Alameda County Public Health Department is hosting their Transition Information Faire for individuals with developmental disabilities on March 28, 2009 at the College of Alameda. This is an opportunity for any individual to learn about services from agencies that help individuals manage issues such as housing, employment, and self advocacy. Although the Faire is aimed primarily at young adults transitioning out of the school system, I’m told that many of these services are appropriate for older individuals, who are welcome to attend as well. The March 13, 2009 registration deadline has passed, but I’ve been told that registrants can still apply.
Negotiating the maze of support services for disabled individuals can be an overwhelming task. It can require searching the internet, making numerous phone calls, waiting for responses and meticulous record keeping. Unfortunately, for individuals with Asperger’s, autism and other developmental disabilities, those who really need the services, these organizational skills may be especially difficult to manage. Events like this, with real people available to talk directly to the people they work with, can make it much easier to figure out the system. You can access the brochure with information at the Alameda County Public Health Department website. (It’s under: Major Events and Activities: 2009 Transition Faire March 28, 2009 - School Registration Form. I just read an interesting, entertaining list of 10 Way to Ruin a Job Interview, written by Liz Ryan. The article lists simple “don’ts, like: don’t grovel, don’t share too much. At first the list may seem ridiculous. Does anyone really need to be told not to swear in an interview? But then I started remembering interviews I conducted when I was working as an engineer. So often, interview candidates did the very things on this list. And Liz Ryan is right, they made a bad first impression.
I think many of these “don’ts” fall into the category of “Don’t be too relaxed or too open.” Job interviews are stressful. Your interviewer is most likely a well meaning, kind individual, who wants to put you at ease, and wants to like you. That’s great, and if it helps you to relax and make your best impression, the interview will be that much better for both of you. But, don’t mistake an interview for what it is not. This is not a friendly chat, and it certainly isn’t a therapy session. Just because someone is open and cordial does not mean the interview rules have changed. I remember many interview candidates sharing way too much. I’d ask why they were looking for a new position and I’d get an endless list of the things their boss did wrong and the company did wrong. Remember, the person interviewing you does not know you. Your future employer wants a capable individual who will be easy to work with. They have no way of knowing if your crazy boss is really crazy, or if the problem was with you. Don’t give your future employer any reason to question your ability to be a team player. I also remember desperate job candidates. They’d tell me things like how hard they were working to find a job and how little success they were having. A comment like that would make me question why no one else wanted to hire this candidate. Are you more likely to walk into the deserted restaurant or the busy one? The busy one, of course! If you tell your interviewer that no one wants to hire you, you look like the empty restaurant. Another way interview candidates shared too much was in telling me that they weren’t that interested in the job. Things like, they’d take the job as an emergency measure, but they really were looking for a job two levels up. Hiring and training a new employee is expensive and a lot of work. Nobody wants to go through that just to have the new hire be unhappy. If you can’t be enthusiastic, fake it, and if you can’t fake it, don’t bother interviewing. If you’re looking for a new job, you’re probably feeling a great deal of stress, and that’s OK. Just share that stress with an appropriate person, like your friend, or a family member, or your therapist. Not your interviewer. Many individuals with Asperger’s and autism have told me how tough a job interview can be. I think that can be true for those without autism as well. But, the good news is that interview skills can be learned and improved. Interviewing is one of the most common areas I work on with my Coach for Asperger’s and Conversation Coaching clients. I always impressed with the dramatic progress my clients make, and they usually improve in a very short time.
Yesterday, my local news station was broadcasting a job fair on their morning show, not something I’d usually watch, but I was held captive while waiting for my car’s oil change. The newscaster interviewed a professional (who’s name I didn’t catch) from Robert Half International about job interview tips. You can find their list here, but the idea I thought was most helpful was preparing an “elevator speech.” An elevator speech or elevator pitch is a brief answer, about the length of a standard elevator ride, to the question, “What do you do?” or “Tell me about yourself.” Expect to hear this question in an interview. It’s probably going to be the first question. This is not the time to make small talk or discuss your hobbies. Instead, you’ve got a few minutes to define what makes you special, and tell the interviewer why you should be hired. Plan your elevator speech in advance. Think about the unique strengths you bring to the position. Practice it. In front of the mirror, to your friends or your dog, tell it to your mom. You can even send a comment to this blog with your elevator speech. The more thought you give this, the better you’ll know your own strengths, and the more clearly you can present them. You don’t want to do this word for word, of course you’ll have to adapt to the situation. For example, maybe you need to introduce yourself, or maybe they already know your name. But your themes should be prepared in advance. The best part about an elevator pitch? Think how much calmer you’ll be in your interview if you can answer the first question so skillfully. My elevator pitch: I’m Patricia Robinson, a licensed therapist and coach. I focus on individuals with Asperger’s, autism and ADHD. As a therapist, I work with kids, teens and adults to help them do better at work or school, succeed socially, and to manage tough emotions like sadness or anxiety. As a coach, I work with teens and adults on goal oriented issues, things like jobs and employment, interviewing, and improving social connections and relationships. What's your elevator pitch? I just finished listening to an interview with Daniel Pink about his book, New York Times bestseller A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future. This book looks at our changing world economy and how that impacts our careers. I work on career issues with many adults with Asperger’s and autism, individuals typically considered to have strengths as left brained thinkers, so the premise of this book was fascinating. Pink was interviewed by Oprah on her Soul Series, but don’t let that scare you if you’re not an Oprah and spirituality fan. The interview is about more than spirituality, including business and economics as well. Pink uses the left brain, right brain idea as a metaphor to compare systematic, logical thinking (a “left brain” function) and more creative, big picture ideas (a “right brain” function.). Pink, a self described left-brain thinker, theorizes that our changing world means that we’re moving from the Information Age to the Conceptual Age. Those individuals who excel at more right brained functions, which Pink terms the senses of design, story, symphony, empathy, play and meaning, (and conversation, which Pink adds in the interview) will succeed professionally and personally. Much of this change is brought about by the growing abilities to outsource or automate any career that’s highly systematic. Pink uses examples such as accounting and law, while I thought instantly of my former career as a Semiconductor Packaging Engineer. (Try to find one of those employed in the US!) For those in the autism field, Pink’s book may bring to mind the theories of Simon Baron-Cohen in The Essential Difference: Male and Female Brains and the Truth About Autism. Baron-Cohen refers to the male, systemizing brain and the female, empathizing brain, and the idea that autism and Asperger’s may correlate to an extremely high level of systemizing, coupled with a low level of empathizing.
Does Pink’s theory warn of looming disaster for professionals with Asperger’s and autism? To my thinking, only on the surface. It is an alert to all of us, on the spectrum or not, to keep growing and learning. We all need to build on our innate strengths, while paying attention to and strengthening those areas where we don’t excel. Professional success, as always, depends on the ability to adapt to change. Also, the Asperger’s/autism strengths in thinking outside the box are probably a key to success in this new environment. Listen to the interview and see what you think. In this blog for parents, and my other blog for adults with Asperger's I try to focus on the positives and strengths of the autistic spectrum. I know people struggle with day to day issues, dealing with work, school, friendships. Planning for long term support for their children keeps many parents awake at night. Neurotypicals can be clueless and judging. Still, the internet is filled with stories of the positive aspects of the autistic spectrum. Things like the joys that come with a special interest. The connections parents feel for their children. The gifts that we all get from knowing that all people are different.
One place where it's easy to find a positive viewpoint of autism is right here, on the web. Check out autism blogs. You can find many of them listed on both Alltop and the Autism Hub. There are blogs written by parents of kids on the spectrum and by autistic individuals. Look around a bit and you'll find devoted parents who cherish their children, just the way they are. Adults who wouldn't want to change anything about the way they are. A few favorite posts right now are Left Brain/Right Brain, Susan Senator, A Day in the Life, and Drivemomcrazy. So you’ve decided. You can’t skip out on the holiday party at work; you have to go. Here are some tips to make a good impression and make the whole event as painless as possible. (If you haven’t decided if you’re going yet, check out my previous blog entry on what professionals with Asperger’s and autism, as well as those who just don’t enjoy socializing at work, should consider before decided to skip the holiday party.)
Do Some Prep Work Find out the basics before the party. How formal is the event and what are people wearing? Are spouses expected to attend? How about kids? Is a meal being served? Ask your favorite coworkers, or check with the party planner if it’s not obvious from the invitation or announcement. Plan Some Small Talk Before the party, think about a few topics of conversation. You’ll want to know the basics of the major news stories. Even if you don’t bring them up, others may. Take a look at the lighter topics too. Sites like the Yahoo home page will give you the top news, sports and entertainment stories. Or, listen to popular radio on the drive to the office. Watch the Time It can be awkward to be the first to arrive at a party. But, you also don’t want to have the whole company waiting for you before the meal can be served. How late to show up depends on the length of the event. For a 90 minute lunch during the workday, just leave the office when everyone else does. For a Saturday dinner party, thirty minutes late is pretty standard, at least in the US. If a scheduled event is starting the evening, like a harbor cruise or some type of entertainment, find out when that occurs and aim to get there at that time. Avoid Alcohol Some people can easily manage a drink or two at a party. But if you’re reading this, chances are party socializing is not your strength. Stick to a club soda. Topics to Avoid Just because it’s a party doesn’t mean that the work rules are all suspended. Your coworkers may be more relaxed than usual or even a bit drunk. (Or maybe a lot!) Still, avoid criticizing anyone, gossiping, and anything that might be offensive to others, like sexual harassment, any off color humor, or controversial discussions. This is also the time that discussions about your work projects may not be appropriate. Many neurotypicals like to socialize and unwind at a party. Your discussion of the latest experiment may be considered rude or dull. Save it for Monday. Small Talk at the Party Conversations at a party can be a bit different than those at the office. They may be more personal, with more joking and teasing. That doesn’t mean you need to initiate these styles of conversation, but you may get pulled into them. Just try to adapt and not be offended. If you've brought a spouse, be sure to introduce and include him or her. Talk to your coworkers spouses too. When Can You Leave? If possible, try not to be the first to leave. But, you get most of the credit for just showing up. Once you’ve talked to the major players, namely your boss, other bosses you want to impress, and your employees, you can safely exit. Try to thank the party planners too! There, you did it! I didn’t say it was going to be fun, but you’ve attended, socialized and you’re free till next year, or at least the January birthday event. Even in today’s tough economic environment, many companies are still planning holiday parties. For some, this is a fun opportunity to relax with coworkers, meet spouses, and just take a step back from the work environment. But for others, those who hate small talk, or who value their free time, or who consider themselves to be loners, the holiday party is looked upon with dread. For many of my readers, like professionals with Asperger’s or autism, the big question right now is, “Do I have to go to the holiday party?”
The answer: It might be in your best interest professionally to show up. You might want to think of this as an unpaid evening work assignment, or an extra chance to show management that you’re a team player. Here are some things to consider when making this decision. Is This Your Job, Or Your Career? If you’re not hoping to be at the job long term, and it’s not in a field where you’re making lots of professional contacts, maybe you can get away with skipping the party. Don’t be too direct or detailed with your excuse here, just stay vague with a “family obligation” or “neighborhood get together.” But, if this is a long term career, you probably have to make some effort to be sociable. Neurotypicals can get offended when their social advances are rebuffed. You don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, and your coworkers will trust and help out those with whom they socialize. Are You the Boss? The higher you are on the management ladder, the more important your presence will be. As a boss, you have a big impact on your employee’s daily lives. Neurotypical employees will want to introduce their spouse to their boss, but not necessarily the mail room clerk. Who Wants the Party? This is different than “Who’s planning the party?” Usually, an admin is assigned the task of putting the party together, but it might be the big boss, or your boss, or the boss you’re hoping to work for next year who’s all excited about it. You don’t want to be labeled by the higher-ups as hard to get along with just because you skipped an evening’s “entertainment.” Who’s Planning the Party? Holiday parties are a big job to plan, with venues reserved months in advance. Someone who’s put in hours of effort may feel slighted by your absence. If the planner is someone who works for you, someone with a lot of social power, or someone who helps you out a lot, you really should make the effort to attend. Who Else is Going? Ask around and see if everybody is going to be there. The more no-shows, the less obvious your absence will be. But if everybody is showing up except you, the night could turn out to draw a lot of attention your way, and not in a way that will help your career. Can You Just Stop In? Some parties involve a solid time commitment, things like a sit down dinner or a harbor cruise. Basically, once you’re at the party, you pretty much have to stay there until the main activity is over. Other events are more open ended, like a cocktail party. With these, it’s easy to drop in, chat briefly with the bosses and your employees, complement and thank the planners, and you’re free to go. Don’t get there too early, aim for the time of peak attendance to get the most impact from your brief appearance. Whatever your decision, don’t say anything negative about the party, before, during or after. If you do decide to attend the party, check back here for tips on how to manage it. “How was your weekend?” This is another one of those questions that can really confuse professionals with Asperger’s, autism or just general difficulty in reading social signals. Of course, as always, everything depends on context. If it’s your therapist, the doctor in the emergency room, or your wife asking the question, chances are, they really do want to know the answer. But I’m not talking about situations like that, I’m referring to the guy standing at the coffee machine on Monday morning, saying, “So, good weekend?”
This is one of those questions that is really a variation on, “How are you?” or “Good morning.” that neurotypicals like to use on Monday mornings. If you don’t feel talkative, you can probably just answer with, “Great, and yours?” Pause here, so you can hear their response. Then a cheerful, “Oh well, back to work!” should be enough to end the script. But, this question is friendlier than “Good morning.” or “How are you?” so it’s also an opportunity, an invitation to connect. If you want to make friends, appear to be more approachable, or connect with coworkers, “ How was your weekend?” is your chance. You know that your coworkers are going to ask this question, so you can be prepared in advance. You don’t want a rote or practiced response, but you do want to think about your answer in advance. Have an interesting statement or two to throw into the discussion. Remember, it’s small talk, so keep it light. Popular culture, weather, hobbies, family activities. These are all good topics. “My daughter had a great soccer game.”, “I was hoping to rake the leaves, but it rained so much.”, “I finally caught up on Grey’s Anatomy.” It’s also a chance to bring up your special interests if you want to share them. “I went to the Star Trek convention.”, “I organized all my internet correspondence.” It’s easy to avoid topics you don’t want to share. Generally politics, religion, issues related to health or bodily functions can all get very intense and personal quickly. Use the topics with caution. I think it can be easy to look down on small talk as useless and meaningless. But, at it’s best, small talk is about human beings trying to connect to each other. The economy is pretty shaky right now, and many businesses are making some changes. For some of my readers, that might mean a job interview, which can be especially stressful for those with Asperger’s and autism. This posting doesn’t cover everything involved in a job interview, just one simple tip. I’ll cover other areas in future posts.
The most important thing to do before going into an interview is to try to relax. We’re going to set up a relaxing “space” now, before the interview, so you can use it during the interview. Take a breath. Seriously, right now, as you read this, take a deep breath. Breathing is a way to calm yourself, move your chattering thoughts into the grounding influence of your body, and exist in the present moment. The more you can get into the habit of taking a deep, conscious breath, the more your body will connect it with slowing down and relaxing. Practicing a deep breath in a safe, calm environment will help you access those same calming feelings when you repeat the breath during your interview. It can be helpful to think a soothing phrase, like, "It’s OK.", "You’re fine.", or, "You can do this." (Keep the phrase short, positive and silent!). As you think about and prepare for your interview, continue to practice the breathing technique. When you get stressed about what’s might go wrong, take a breath, "It’s OK." When you remember things that went wrong in past interviews, take a breath, calm yourself, and then figure out the lesson of that situation. Your future employer expects you to breathe, so this calming technique is something you can use during the interview. As you walk into the interview room, take a breath. If you have a break during the interview, remember to take a breath. Tell yourself, "You can do this." Of course you can. Zosia Zaks has written a number of insightful and informative pieces on the topics of autism and Asperger’s, and you can find some of her work on the GRASP website, as well as in Autism Asperger’s Digest magazine. Recently, I wrote about her essay on empathy in my blog Social Skills for Kids, which I write to parents of children on the autism spectrum. Her most comprehensive work to date is the book Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults (2006, Autism Asperger Publishing Co.). Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults is an insider’s guide to many aspects of life on the autism spectrum. Zosia Zaks has a master’s degree in Technical Journalism, and, like many adults with Asperger’s Syndrome, was not diagnosed with Asperger’s until the age of 31. In the first half of the book, entitled, "Life", Zaks takes on concrete and straightforward topics such as the practicalities of managing sensory issues, household chores, shopping, travel and healthcare. From her insider perspective, the author gives step by step instructions and detailed tips for a number of situations, like putting together a sensory emergency kit of items such as sunglasses and headphones, or sample schedules for managing clutter and organizing the home. This is the kind of practical, step-by-step information that will be useful for those who are struggling with the details of daily life. There’s also some brief but concrete and specific advice for attaining career success, including choosing an appropriate job and managing social issues at the office. The second half of the book, entitled, "Love", is where Zaks shows her full range as a writer and the book really comes to life. The "Love" section of the book focuses on relationships, from friendship, to dating, to committed partnerships. Zaks skillfully shifts back and forth from abstract concepts, such as falling in love, to concrete tools like defining acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. The author continues to write in a practical and useful manner, but she discusses more emotional topics, like dealing with conflict, social isolation and the very real differences of life for males and females on the autistic spectrum. There are also sections on internet dating, relationships with non-spectrum partners, and the different levels of friendships. This section also includes extensive materials on how individuals can keep safe while interacting with others, and a discussion of the pros and cons of disclosing an autism diagnosis. I recommend this book to those on the autism spectrum and to those who care about someone on the spectrum. The first half of the book can function as an ongoing, practical reference, almost like an instruction book for adult living. The second half is much more, something to read and consider, and a way to deepen your understanding of relationships, whether you’re on or off the autism spectrum. |
Patricia Robinson MFT
I'm a licensed therapist in Danville, California and a coach for Asperger's and ADHD nationwide. I work with individuals of all ages who have special needs, like Autism Spectrum Disorders, ADD, ADHD, and the family members and partners of special needs individuals. Archives
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