Working for a Boss on the Autism Spectrum

5/21/2013

Back in 2008, I posted about working for a boss with Asperger’s. Now, more than three years later, I’m still getting comments on that post, mostly from employees complaining about the difficulties, but also trying to be productive with their boss with Asperger’s.

I like to focus this blog on the positives, and ways to make difficult situations better. The reality is that both neurotypicals and those on the Autism Spectrum are usually trying to do a good job, get along with each other, and communicate effectively. But, differences in expectations, communication style, and social behaviors can mean a lot of frustration on both ends, as well as less than optimal work from the team.

Of course, diversity in the workplace is an advantage to any team, and the Autism Spectrum brings strengths as well as difficulties. Work teams can benefit from the goal directed focus, strong work ethic and loyalty, and straightforward approaches common to those on the spectrum. Neurotypicals can learn to adjust their behavior to those on the spectrum, just as people with autism have been having to adjust to neurotypicals all this time.

Tha's why I’m asking any adults on the autism spectrum to comment here, or send me an email. How can neurotypicals help make the workplace more autism accepting? For bosses on the spectrum, how can your employees work best to fit your needs and make your organizations most effective?

Thanks in advance for your comments!

robert dorsey

10/31/2020 12:44:29 am

i'm looking for an article where someone describes how difficult working for a boss who has aspergers. they are impossible. they are bullies. they invade your space. they are passive aggressive, sneaky, and mean spirited.they terrorize their employees. they are toxic. healthy, constructive communication? not a chance. ever. i know lifes not fair-but working for someone w/aspergers will destroy anything good in you. its undescribable. they know every sick, twisted, evil way to get their way. so come on by building resources in s.f. and witness for yourself a demoralized,unhealthy workplace. nothing is worse than an "aspie" with "rank".theres nothing anyone can do to change the situation.what a drag.

Anonymous

5/9/2021 09:43:16 pm

Wow do you work with me? You literally describe how I feel every day. It made me tear up because I know feel validated in my feelings how awful it is. Management is not for them. Period. They're never wrong. Always their way. Rigid. Always the victim. It's exhausting. I have sever anxiety with work now.

IT_Hero

5/12/2021 05:49:04 pm

Damn, That's messed up. My boss is on the spectrum and while he can be difficult at times. I wouldn't ever call him evil or even mean spirited.
"they are impossible. they are bullies. they invade your space. they are passive aggressive, sneaky, and mean spirited."
That sound like many co-workers I know without Asperger's. The fact that you are "looking for an article where someone describes how difficult working for a boss who has aspergers." Tell me all I need to know. You're looking for an echo chamber to enforce your own negative views. If your boss is like that, I don't think it because of his/hers Aspergers, put likely a response to working with people like you.

ABH

7/1/2021 03:04:30 pm

Same i really like my boss a lot. He can even be very sweet in his own way. I have however worked for very intense narcissists and they can be very sneaky and mean.
I wouldn't blame the autism! :(

10/19/2021 07:23:30 am

I’m a boss with high functioning autism. I might have to retire early simply because of how employees view me. Why are we discriminated against for having a disability. It’s really disheartening to hear all the mean stuff the employee comments above say about their boss. I just want to go into a cave and not have to talk to anyone. I’m so disappointed people can be so mean to me and make accusations about my intentions simply because my brain does not comprehend or function the same as others. On top of that I have a rare debilitating disease which only compounds the situation. Autism is a comorbidity of this disease. There is no compassion for us and it is abuse to keep saying mean things that we are when in fact that is not our intentions in our heart or brain. I’m very talented and good at what I do, but people simply can’t stand me. I’m only 44 and need to continue to work to support myself. Because of my disability/ disease owning my own business is the only option for me. I do need some employees for this business to operate. As my disease gets worse as it is a digressive disease so does my ability to communicate and function amongst people. As a boss you are just a bad person to your employees. Someday in heaven they will know how accusing me of all the mean stuff was wrong as I’m guessing in heaven people will get a glimpse into what it’s like to be another person. I don’t imagine while I’m alive I will get any kind of understanding or compassion.

Hey G

9/28/2022 08:15:02 pm

I ran across this site and wanted to comment to G below, the boss with high functioning autism. I am the same, although I don’t have the degenerative disease. My heart broke for you, because I know what you mean about having good intentions and wanting to help, but being chronically misunderstood or rejected. The OP here (not you IT Hero) is wrong, the boss he’s describing has something else (sadism, sociopathy, etc) on top of the autism and they just don’t know enough to know that. Same with a lot of folks, especially those who, like me, were born in the 70s/80s and have super outdated ideas about autism. Work in tech. Lots of us here. It’s not so bad, you’re not as alone as it feels.

Stephanie

5/28/2021 08:04:17 pm

Wow you just described my supervisor! Im
100% he is on the spectrum

Cherie Silver link

9/28/2021 05:53:13 am

Thanks for sharing. I totally got your fab description of working with an aspie boss.
I started to feel sick on any interaction with mine - so I prayed - please God - help me to see my boss in a kind way. Fast forward a couple of months - she seems easier to work with and I don’t fear her like I once did. 🤗

Peter misseri

10/27/2022 03:17:15 pm

I have Asperger’s I know neurotypicals who have the qualities you just described

Cliffv

12/4/2022 03:41:45 pm

Robert, I could write a book on the subject of Supervisors who are in the spectrum. I have worked for a business owner for almost 19 years that at times has serious episodes of many of the behaviors you describe except evil. Narcissism is a huge component, bullying, temper tantrums, child like behavior it is a huge challenge GW to deal with yet I have found ways over the years to get him to do the things I need him to do to keep the ball rolling.

Ajita Kaput

4/3/2021 02:10:03 pm

Though the prior comment “lacks compassion,” appears politically incorrect, perhaps ill informed and vengeful... reminiscent Of the AS retort after being called out on a rude comment...” but it’s true.” It is...true. In my experience. If you are AS And have secured a meaningful and rewarding job, please keep it and do not go into management. There are many AS people that would concede this point.

IT_Hero

5/12/2021 05:56:22 pm

Here is a new Idea. Don't be so damn thin skinned. I would rather have a Blunt and honest opinion from someone, then nice and pleasant bullshit. You're an adult, try to act like it. Coddling is for children and the infirm.

ABH

7/1/2021 03:08:08 pm

Same! I'd rather have someone be blunt with me than give me a load of bullshit. I value authenticity. Even if someone is difficult, I'd rather them be upfront, I can work with that! I feel bad folks with autism are getting a bad name. I have bipolar disorder and everyone knows claims that I don't because i'm so kind and nice... people need to stop stigmatizing things. Some folks are just jerks and it doesn't have anything to do with these labels.

5/19/2021 03:17:19 pm

I have a boss, a husband and a child on the spectrum. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to navigate through a world that is neurologically different than how you are hardwired. I can also empathize with the emotional injury that other employees have expressed.

It's important to appreciate that all humans are more neurologically diverse than we realize. And it's compassionate to match your expectations and approach to your fellow colleagues abilities, and vice versa.
Our own emotional growth, chosen outlets for validation and self-worth have to be better thought through than to lay it at the feet of someone who can't help their ways. We wouldn't get upset with a wheelchair-bound person for not walking, nor would we say, just stay off the sidewalk. I have to remind myself of this truth each time I feel demoralized at work, not easy but I am growing.

Shelly

6/14/2022 10:17:47 pm

I agree with the fact that we all need to have compassion and adjust our expectations when working with someone who can’t change their ways, but at what point does someone have compassion for what we are struggling with working under a leader with Asperger’s? I often skip lunch and work extremely late (7:00 am - 11pm in order to meet the last minute yet urgent deadlines imposed on me and trying to fix the messes caused by a boss because they refused to listen to anyone else’s input and concerns but their own. I am sleep deprived and frustrated. I’ve had panic attacks over the impossible tasks and vision she want us to put in place. It’s way too much to handle and many of us are the verge of a nervous breakdown. She makes poor decisions that impact an entire organization. When her plans fail, we are the scapegoats in which everyone else’s anger is directed toward. I feel like a punching bag at times and my career growth has been halted since she took over. Every time she wants into a room it feels like a tornado passed though due to chaos and confusion she creates. One could easily suggest finding another job; if you’ve experienced true burnout, getting a new job isn’t that easy. I have no time and a complete lack of confidence that didn’t exist beforehand.

The empathy doesn’t have to go both ways, but someone also needs to consider the emotional and physical well being of all employees.

I’m drowning!

Abby

8/30/2022 07:25:06 am

I could have written this. Word for word.

I consider myself a feeling and compassionate person, and have tried to bring that (along with a thick skin) to my interactions with my autistic boss. Nonetheless, I am left feeling wrung out, insulted, dismissed, and just generally a hostage to their moods/impulses/immovability/delusion/etc. on a regular basis.

At the end of the day, there are some people who just should not be in a position that required managing people. Some of those people are on the spectrum. My boss is one of them, and yours may be as well. It is not helpful or fair, in any situation, to insist workers bear abuse - I do not know why it should be any different in these circumstances.

Julie

10/2/2022 08:49:56 am

Some behaviour is unacceptable and can’t be tolerated, whether the cause of neuro diversity or not. We’re all vulnerable to stress, hurt etc. and don’t have the luxury of avoiding people in the workplace especially if they’re our boss. I’ve been at the brunt of anger and frustration from people on the autism spectrum in leadership roles (men) and it’s very unpleasant. Perhaps people who weren’t treated with the right amount of understanding and have a lot of residual anger, or who can’t deal well with complex tasks and stress. It’s not fun.

ABH

7/1/2021 03:01:24 pm

I really enjoy my boss with Autism (taking a guess as that is not shared). He's an attorney and I'm his legal assistant. He had some rough relationships in the past but I'm also not a neurotypical, although mine is not autism. I really appreciate his straight forward no BS manner. He needs some help with things like he has to have certain supplies and can't have certain mediums/or certain noises/sensations he can't interact with. Folks can be a bit judgmental of him that don't know him as well or expect him to be a certain way but I try to always vouch for his great characteristics when people bring up how hard he must be to work for. He's really not and I enjoy it even more so than other folks I work for. I'm glad we are a good team! I was searching for articles to help give some insight into what he might need or not want. He had a big loss recently.

Thomas

4/15/2022 01:04:32 am

He also like treats.

Agnes

8/21/2021 02:46:03 pm

I started working for a new manager in the past 3 days. I do have some educational knowledge with autism, but never experienced them as a superior. I believe, my manager is on the spectrum. He seems nice, but I have noticed the passive-aggressive personality, lacks empathy & fakes to be a positive upbeat enthusiastic manager. He doesn’t appreciate creativity & expects “his way” is the only correct method. He doesn’t communicate clear instructions. It’s very bullet points without any clarification of what he wants the outcome to be. Of course, you don’t discover his expectations until you are actively conducting the project through criticism of you are doing is wrong & he is way is the only right way. It’s all black & white, no grey. I’ve been in executive management for over 25 years, and he should not have been considered in management because what I mentioned above. His “my way or the high way” is definitely demoralizing, create a hostile work environment and not team-oriented.
Unfortunately, he is my manager and I need some insights of how to be able to communicate / cope with a manager that has the power to make or break your employment career.

thomas

4/15/2022 01:16:56 am

Aspie or not. That kind of behavior should not be tolerated. Given the time period you wrote this. I am sure you are no longer working for him. If you found another job, now would be a good time to send his H.R. dept. a letter of your observations without slander, so they could have documentation on him.

Mat

8/29/2021 03:17:09 am

A lot of these comments are negatively reinforcing damaging ASD stereotypes in management.

It’s almost as if people are guessing that their manager lives with Aspergers and attributing their manager’s perceived negativity as them being on the spectrum.

People need to learn to take ownership of their own problems and not look for unfounded reasons as to why they are having workplace issues.

The main, top comment here was riddled with spelling errors, had poor grammar, and sounded like a person who lives with a constant victim mentality.

Deb

9/27/2021 10:37:21 pm

Hello,
Just like people shouldn't blame difficult work situations on their boss being on the spectrum, people shouldn't be critical of someone who is having a difficult time with a person in a authority position who's on the spectrum. My daughter has a job that she absolutely loves, but finds herself mentally beaten down at the end of her shifts by her employer that not only talks down to her in front of customers but insults her abilities and yells at her every time she makes a mistake. She has tried to ask him why he talks to her that way and asked if he realizes he scolds her in front of customers and asked him to "please don't talk to me like that." Regardless if the comment above is riddled with errors it doesn't mean its not how she feels about her situation and just like I said previously she shouldn't be judged or called a victim until you have walked in her shoes.

Rohit

12/7/2021 08:58:30 am

Working for someone on the spectrum is definitely a mixed bag. They can be very stuck in their ways and once they make a determination based on something, it is often impossible to get them to change course, or even let things from the past go. This can be very frustrating, especially when you know for a fact that they are making a bad judgement call.

However, in my case the AS boss, can also be extremely generous and thoughtful. It almost catches you off guard, sometimes how nice they can be. Just with anyone else, their mood can be good or bad, and you need to be mindful of their needs and accommodate it.

Honestly, in my case I am very thankful for my AS boss. She has given me a chance when no one else would. She has also given me the freedom to excel in my role. We've both profited greatly from it.

When the AS boss starts to drive you crazy, I find that it is very important to take a step back, look at the entire situation and remind myself, that I am lucky to be here.

I realize that this might not be possible for everyone with an AS boss. However, at this time, labor has the upper hand and you can apply for other jobs, if it's really that bad. In my case my AS boss, has compensated me so well it's really difficult to leave.

Keep your head up out there and try to stay positive. I know it's hard.

Allen

12/26/2021 10:57:05 am

I have just been made redundant after14 years working closely for/with an asbie. I strongly understand all of the critical points listed. Also had a difficulty that it wasn’t common knowledge so I often felt like it was me who had the problem. I never found him “evil” but certainly had all the social interaction traits. I’m all for inclusion and diversity at work but sad to say an asbie as a boss wasn’t a positive experience.

Andrew Fairfax

3/4/2022 03:18:10 am

Dear All,

First and foremost I understand the situation people are facing with an ASD boss. I am currently in the same boat as you and I want to highlight a few things that might help you understand what the next step should be moving forward.

Having an ASD boss is challenging, in fact, there are very few upsides to the experience (regardless of what feedback others have given). Their inability to see nuance and break things down into black and white is not an asset, especially in the modern world.

As companies continue to evolve on a global level the world simply has no time for black and white and life doesn't work that way. People who are neurologically atypical are at a disadvantage already. Can they therefore lead? The answer is categorically, NO.

Leadership isn't a nebulous concept (as many people make it out to be ) it is about helping your team be the very best they can be and that requires that you recognise nuance and variation. It is about recognising the human condition is multifaceted and complex.

Being ASD simply doesn't allow that individual to recognise or even acknowledge this is something that is important. If you cannot connect with people in a human way, you will not get the best out of them and in turn you are not leading.

Some people have spoken about their boss being rude, stubborn or even blunt. These traits usually dont sit well with HR, so if you are experiencing these problems its important to log the situations down and report them to HR. Study the policies at your work place and ensure you document incidents that fall foul of the expected behaviours in the workplace.

Remember, the law does not give ASD employees a pass. You should expect to be treated with respect and dignity at work, the system exists to protect you.

In some rare cases HR might not side with you. There are two options:

1) Keep going with the logging of complaints and ensure that you have recorded things objectively.

2) Move to another role. Develop your network, look for other opportunities and leave a toxic workplace behind. They lose a valued employee and you get to go somewhere you are appreciated.

Remember, their disability does not entitle them to bully you or impact your mental health. Respect and dignity at work are expected and not a nice to have.

Good luck to those who are suffering, my thoughts are with you. To all the ASD bosses reading this, have you ever considered the impact that you are having on your employees? I doubt that very much.

Nicole

10/25/2022 06:27:22 pm

Dear neurotypical workers,
Have you ever considered the impact that your words have on your autistic colleagues?

"Their inability to see nuance and break things down into black and white is not an asset, especially in the modern world."
- completely false statement on autistic people. YOU are the one who cannot see nuance here. you are generalising ALL autistic people in a harmful way. autistic people experience trauma over being constantly misunderstood due to having a differently-functioning brain to allistic people but being expected to use it in a way unnatural to them, to fit in with the spciety's norms.

"As companies continue to evolve on a global level the world simply has no time for black and white and life doesn't work that way. People who are neurologically atypical are at a disadvantage already. Can they therefore lead? The answer is categorically, NO."
- yes autistic people are different neurologically, but so are allistic people. and people of all different neurotypes that exist. But YOUR neurotype is the only one that can lead? really? do you really think a neurotypical is going to be the best person to lead a group of people of all different neurotypes? of course you do. you've never had to adapt your way of thinking and behaving and interacting the way that autistic people have in order to appease others.

"Leadership isn't a nebulous concept (as many people make it out to be ) it is about helping your team be the very best they can be and that requires that you recognise nuance and variation. It is about recognising the human condition is multifaceted and complex."
- HAHAHAHAHA. did you just say this to argue that only neurotypical people should lead people? I think you did. and I think the irony might possibly be lost on you.

"Being ASD simply doesn't allow that individual to recognise or even acknowledge this is something that is important. If you cannot connect with people in a human way, you will not get the best out of them and in turn you are not leading."
- says it all really. implying autistic communication is inhuman. speaking of autism like it is a black and white condition and not a spectrum condition. what about recognising nuance and variation?!

please do some research on the disability you are demonising and getting completely wrong. have you tried a frank discussion with the autistic boss/colleague(s) that you have experienced difficulty with? because the other side of this story is the autistic person unable to understand why they have been made to feel so alienated. so unwelcome. so disrespected.

3/9/2022 07:45:10 pm

I suspect my boss has Aspergers, he has all the signs and symptoms. Even if I’m not sure that he is, I know he is a literal thinker and struggles with empathy, among other things. However, having this suspicion allows me to be more empathetic and I’ve tried to speak to him in a way this is more literal and be patient with him when he’s not quite understanding what the problem is. I noticed in the first several months that people were not kind to him. And that bothered me. I mean, dude can be rude and really difficult to work with, but that does not warrant the unkind attitude people send his way.

I’m working on trying to make the best of the situation and trying to find ways to improve our communication. I hope it work out. I’ve been with my company a few years now (he’s been my boss about a year) and I enjoy it and am not ready to give up and leave!

Thomas

4/15/2022 01:29:09 am

Give him space. Talk to him only when needed. Use a decision tree or charts to help him understand. It is all about trust. Trust is the key.

Andrew Fairfax

5/28/2022 12:53:08 am

Why do we need to tolerate that in the workplace.

Leadership is about people and empathy can achieve sustainable and holistic growth.

If you can’t do empathy why are you in a leadership role?

Rachel

5/10/2022 05:58:24 am

I’m not sure if my former boss is on the spectrum or not. I’m here to learn more about ASD signs/common behaviors, out of curiosity and empathy for him.
He’s quite brilliant, and is an engaging author, educator and presenter. But in working with him one-on-one, I had much difficulty. He is surgically-precise with language, and becomes easily flustered if he doesn’t understand someone else’s message. He needs to clarify things often. Defining terms is a big deal to him. He says he’s committed to something (concept or idea) and then will almost always change his mind later on. He tries to gather feedback from others but then will steamroll them and assert his own thoughts as the “final conclusion.” I’ve wondered if he isn’t an intellectual narcissist? He is definitely not used to having other strong personalities around him- especially from women. I have a strong personality but am also extremely kind, warm, empathetic…I put a lot of energy into being a good listener, and I’ve always been able to develop amazing work relationships, across all levels. In general, I’d say my people skills are a strength.
I found out recently that he is telling other industry leaders in my city that I am “difficult to manage.” I feel this is a huge misjudgment and mischaracterization. But, I’m also trying to think what I could have done to have given that impression. Are ASD folks especially sensitive to things like tone of voice or facial expressions? Many of our discussions were focused and serious (I was hired to launch a new division of his company, so we often discussed strategy and approach) and I’m wondering if I put out a vibe that could have been perceived as challenging, or perhaps even controlling? (Of course neither of these things were my intention- I was passionate about the work we were doing and tried to be as collaborative, communicative and sharing in the creative experience as possible…) Our working relationship ended when he decided to pull the plug on the new division I had just launched (within five months.) No warning, no conversations where he voiced his concerns, or other attempts at collaboration, just out of the blue. The shock is something I’m still processing.

Anyway, I appreciate any insights here. Thanks in advance.

His Shadow

9/15/2022 11:48:13 am

Good afternoon,

So you use the term, 'intellectual narcissist' and you are quite close to being correct. People with Autism's lack of communication is due to the fact they are mind blind. Believe it or not you have a form of communication you have with others that you may not be aware of.

The term of Mind Blindness. A person with autism cannot read you, but you, like many others are taking offense at the fact your communicating one thing and expecting that to translate.

A person with Autism you can't simply state to them. 'I'll see you tomorrow" and expect them to read that you really meant you do not want to see them again.

If you want to communicate your intentions you have to not use emotion and this can be a challenge as an old saying goes if we had no autistic people we would still be in caves socializing. You have to break down your logic.

You have to understand simply saying something is a good or bad idea is not enough. You have to pitch them not to make him or her think it's a good idea, but you have to essentially prove or give enough evidence why you are correct.

A person with autism thinks with logic and past practice so if you want to change something up and you can make it make sense, then chances are things will change regardless of a person with autism wanting to reject change.

People with Autism can handle change if it makes to them.

Summer in Sweden link

6/6/2022 08:20:27 am

I have encountered a manager with abnormal behavior and witness abusive words towards team members when I was just hired into the company. He forced everyone to follow some fixed template for tasks we do, because he has OCD and we must follow exact that way. He kept sending multiple emails, SMS and chat messages to remind people about the weekly report that is due mid-night. He did not have sense of 'time' of any task and show no empathy towards people who were stressed out. He also talked like a robot.

Initially, I told myself it's part of my job to "manage my manager". But after 3 months, I realized I spent most of my energy, managing my manager's bazar behavior and unrealistic expectation that had big impact to my own health. I blamed myself that I did not detect all these during the job interview. I did not think this job has any meaning but constantly live in the "fear".

At the end of 3-month trial period, I booked a meeting with HR and announced my resignation. I told HR some of the observation. I speculated this OCD is not a joke, but it's real. I also speculated that he has Asperger’s....

Surprisingly, HR admitted that this manager does have autism but she claimed that no one has ever reported issues before. I knew it's a lie since I know my colleagues reported bad behavior to the same HR manager few weeks ago. His former employees were dissolved and dispatched to other teams and one of them told "if a new hire stays more than a month in this job, that is a great achievement".

I do not have prejudice toward people have any mental or physical illness, nor am I against people having autism, OCD or Asperger's. I only want to say that being a "Manager" of a team, you have the responsibilities to act like a leader, and behaves like a leader. I also believe I have a choice to find a healthier environment, instead of an abusive, toxic work environment.

Ruth

6/9/2022 07:24:36 am

I have a Boss on the syndrome and am now on tranquilizers, whiilst I empathise with him he is a horror to work with and I hate my job.

Jane link

8/7/2022 04:30:50 am

I have a voluntary role that involves overseeing the whole running of an organisation. We repeatedly hear about bullying by certain bosses and, with an interest in mental health, I wonder if HFA may be in part responsible. I have raised this possibility on several occasions but it is not being picked up. Can anyone offer advice that I could pass on as to how the senior managers could consider this and raise it with the individuals concerned?

Mari Rocca

9/12/2022 05:32:48 am

I found out that my boss has autism on my own, because he hides it. The main problem we have at work is his lack of empathy, which sometimes leads to decisions against basic principles of human rights. Ex: some people were temporarily detained for immigration issues and we needed to work very fast to get them out of prison. The answer was: "we have more important work to do, if they stay in prison for 1 or 2 weeks more this is not important". In other situation we had 3 important women working very hard in an event and at the end only male members of his family not directly involved in the organization of the event were invited to the final party. In many cases we need to fight against the boss in order to assist other people or do the common sense thing. After the fight you feel guilty, because there is a hierarchy after all and although you know you did the right thing, the situation creates a permanent stress. Also he is not able to understand what is going on in meetings (subtle perceptions) and always comes back to "nano" management (not even micro management), which profoundly irritates everybody around him. At the beginning I just thought the person was "evil" and those kind of irrational orders caused me a "burnout". Now that I know of the problem, I try to be more patient but always worried that I may be put in an accomplice situation by hurting other people just because I work with him.

Anonymous

10/26/2022 04:03:05 am

This is a helpful thread. I’d like to offer some thoughts. First off, everyone here has had their own experience, so whatever a person’s experience is true for them. We don’t have to all share in that same experience in order for it to be valid.

Second, those on the spectrum—please consider this. I don’t think it’s fair to say that you’re being discriminated against when someone shares their honest experience of what’s it’s like to be in any kind of relationship with you.

There are people on the spectrum who have had great supports throughout their lives. There are those who have not. This is true for neurotypical types as well.

There are actually some common features of autism that do negatively impact others—not from mal-intent. But they are real and it’s not fair to deny these realities.

Most people on the spectrum do in fact struggle with social-emotional interactions. It’s a tell tale symptom of spectrum disorders. It can also be true of people not on the spectrum.

The idea that the only job available is one of self employed isolation, is a position of victimhood and I don’t agree with it.

We all, no matter our challenges, have the ability to look at the impact we have on others, to take in feedback and respond to it. Often the response requires the support, guidance and/or mentoring of a skilled coach or therapist.

But you don’t get the right to deny someone’s experience with you. It’s their experience. And if you’re getting the same feedback from multiple people, it’s really a gift for you to examine the impact you have on others.

Do most Aspies make good managers of people—probably not, because of the social emotional challenges which are typical for those on the spectrum. Again, this can of course be true of non-Aspies as well.

Anyone who has ever been bullied is at greater risk of bullying others. No one sets out to be this way, but it does happen.

If you have been bullied in your lifetime, you should seek support from a skilled therapist or coach to work through these traumas for yourself and for others.

Unmet traumas do cause painful and hurtful experiences for others.

I have a boss on the spectrum who is a good person I believe. And, they are also a tyrant. Their people skills are not good. They miss social cues, they don’t understand emotions of others and are constantly harming others.

When they see someone else who they perceive as being harmed, they go gunning after that person—just like a bully. It’s very likely that they experienced bullying as a child and this is their response.

I have compassion. And, it’s not our lot in life to tolerate being treated poorly by others. We all have to keep ourselves safe and out of harm’s way and emotional, psychological safety is paramount.

If you’re getting feedback about harmful your behavior is, heed it, take it in and address it with a skilled coach or therapist like the one sponsoring this page.

Anonymous

11/14/2022 06:00:21 pm

I came across this article while doing some research for a project and am interested by the comments. I never really thought about it until recently.

When I am around people with autism, I don’t tend to see them differently because I was raised by a single mother on the spectrum. So, I usually get along with ASD colleagues simply because I don’t notice their condition.

I came to understand over years of therapy that my mother could not have possibly offered any healthy kind of parenting due to her condition. So, coming to accept that she could not be a nurturing mother made me think about neurodiversity in every areas of life, including work.

So far, I have worked for two managers with autism. From my experience with them, I would say that it really depends on the kind of support they are getting at home and at work, and how well they are able to manage their condition. My first boss with autism worked for an organization that not only did very little to accommodate him, but also put him under a lot of pressure. On top of that, he had never gotten proper medical attention. So, his department was a disaster. Our project crashed and burned, and his reputation was pretty much ruined. In the end, he was very abusive, and I was relieved when I was let go due to loss of funding.

My current boss is also on the spectrum on top of having another visible disability. Her style of management is a lot better. I also got to know her and see that she has a very strong support system through her parents and other loved ones, and has received proper care. Moreover, the company provides her with regular access to coaching and mental health services. Still, working with her can be extremely challenging at times.

This is where the lessons learned from my relationship with my mother have served me. I forgave her once I stopped holding her to the same standards as someone who is neurotypical. I have done the same with my bosses and colleagues. Today’s new mindset regarding disabilities wants us to believe that symptoms of a disability don’t exist. That was my belief for a long time, until I finally changed my mind.

My boss could never act or manage a team like someone without autism. That’s just a plain fact. So, the first thing I had to do as an employee is fully understand that reality. Sometimes, she’ll have outbursts out of nowhere. I know that they have nothing to do with me.

A recurring mistake I used to make was to point out their symptoms. Even if I did it inadvertently, it still caused them a lot of distress. So, I try to be careful with that.

My strategy is to see my boss as a professional contact, and not so much as a friend. That way, I don’t expect things from them such as pleasantries or recognition. Instead, I keep our interactions as neutral as straight-to-the-point as I can.

Still, I am not going to pretend like it’s amazing to have an autistic boss. On most days, it’s difficult. No matter how much I want neurodivergent people to have access to management positions, I don’t think it’s as simple as giving them a job title and telling everyone around them to just deal with their symptoms.

My answer might me a bit biased though. I had a pretty awful childhood growing up with an autistic mother, and I am sure that deep down, I still carry a lot of resentment. So, it’s hard for me to be sympathetic toward autistic managers. Still, if I were to objectively review the performance of the managers mentioned in this comment, I would have to say that it wasn’t all bad. I’ve had worst bosses who were just plain d&ickheads.

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Working for a Boss on the Autism Spectrum

Patricia Robinson MFT

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