Working for a Boss on the Autism Spectrum

5/21/2013

Back in 2008, I posted about working for a boss with Asperger’s. Now, more than three years later, I’m still getting comments on that post, mostly from employees complaining about the difficulties, but also trying to be productive with their boss with Asperger’s.

I like to focus this blog on the positives, and ways to make difficult situations better. The reality is that both neurotypicals and those on the Autism Spectrum are usually trying to do a good job, get along with each other, and communicate effectively. But, differences in expectations, communication style, and social behaviors can mean a lot of frustration on both ends, as well as less than optimal work from the team.

Of course, diversity in the workplace is an advantage to any team, and the Autism Spectrum brings strengths as well as difficulties. Work teams can benefit from the goal directed focus, strong work ethic and loyalty, and straightforward approaches common to those on the spectrum. Neurotypicals can learn to adjust their behavior to those on the spectrum, just as people with autism have been having to adjust to neurotypicals all this time.

Tha's why I’m asking any adults on the autism spectrum to comment here, or send me an email. How can neurotypicals help make the workplace more autism accepting? For bosses on the spectrum, how can your employees work best to fit your needs and make your organizations most effective?

Thanks in advance for your comments!

23 Comments

robert dorsey

10/31/2020 12:44:29 am

i'm looking for an article where someone describes how difficult working for a boss who has aspergers. they are impossible. they are bullies. they invade your space. they are passive aggressive, sneaky, and mean spirited.they terrorize their employees. they are toxic. healthy, constructive communication? not a chance. ever. i know lifes not fair-but working for someone w/aspergers will destroy anything good in you. its undescribable. they know every sick, twisted, evil way to get their way. so come on by building resources in s.f. and witness for yourself a demoralized,unhealthy workplace. nothing is worse than an "aspie" with "rank".theres nothing anyone can do to change the situation.what a drag.

Anonymous

5/9/2021 09:43:16 pm

Wow do you work with me? You literally describe how I feel every day. It made me tear up because I know feel validated in my feelings how awful it is. Management is not for them. Period. They're never wrong. Always their way. Rigid. Always the victim. It's exhausting. I have sever anxiety with work now.

IT_Hero

5/12/2021 05:49:04 pm

Damn, That's messed up. My boss is on the spectrum and while he can be difficult at times. I wouldn't ever call him evil or even mean spirited.
"they are impossible. they are bullies. they invade your space. they are passive aggressive, sneaky, and mean spirited."
That sound like many co-workers I know without Asperger's. The fact that you are "looking for an article where someone describes how difficult working for a boss who has aspergers." Tell me all I need to know. You're looking for an echo chamber to enforce your own negative views. If your boss is like that, I don't think it because of his/hers Aspergers, put likely a response to working with people like you.

ABH

7/1/2021 03:04:30 pm

Same i really like my boss a lot. He can even be very sweet in his own way. I have however worked for very intense narcissists and they can be very sneaky and mean.
I wouldn't blame the autism! :(

10/19/2021 07:23:30 am

I’m a boss with high functioning autism. I might have to retire early simply because of how employees view me. Why are we discriminated against for having a disability. It’s really disheartening to hear all the mean stuff the employee comments above say about their boss. I just want to go into a cave and not have to talk to anyone. I’m so disappointed people can be so mean to me and make accusations about my intentions simply because my brain does not comprehend or function the same as others. On top of that I have a rare debilitating disease which only compounds the situation. Autism is a comorbidity of this disease. There is no compassion for us and it is abuse to keep saying mean things that we are when in fact that is not our intentions in our heart or brain. I’m very talented and good at what I do, but people simply can’t stand me. I’m only 44 and need to continue to work to support myself. Because of my disability/ disease owning my own business is the only option for me. I do need some employees for this business to operate. As my disease gets worse as it is a digressive disease so does my ability to communicate and function amongst people. As a boss you are just a bad person to your employees. Someday in heaven they will know how accusing me of all the mean stuff was wrong as I’m guessing in heaven people will get a glimpse into what it’s like to be another person. I don’t imagine while I’m alive I will get any kind of understanding or compassion.

Stephanie

5/28/2021 08:04:17 pm

Wow you just described my supervisor! Im
100% he is on the spectrum

Cherie Silver link

9/28/2021 05:53:13 am

Thanks for sharing. I totally got your fab description of working with an aspie boss.
I started to feel sick on any interaction with mine - so I prayed - please God - help me to see my boss in a kind way. Fast forward a couple of months - she seems easier to work with and I don’t fear her like I once did. 🤗

Ajita Kaput

4/3/2021 02:10:03 pm

Though the prior comment “lacks compassion,” appears politically incorrect, perhaps ill informed and vengeful... reminiscent Of the AS retort after being called out on a rude comment...” but it’s true.” It is...true. In my experience. If you are AS And have secured a meaningful and rewarding job, please keep it and do not go into management. There are many AS people that would concede this point.

5/12/2021 05:56:22 pm

Here is a new Idea. Don't be so damn thin skinned. I would rather have a Blunt and honest opinion from someone, then nice and pleasant bullshit. You're an adult, try to act like it. Coddling is for children and the infirm.

7/1/2021 03:08:08 pm

Same! I'd rather have someone be blunt with me than give me a load of bullshit. I value authenticity. Even if someone is difficult, I'd rather them be upfront, I can work with that! I feel bad folks with autism are getting a bad name. I have bipolar disorder and everyone knows claims that I don't because i'm so kind and nice... people need to stop stigmatizing things. Some folks are just jerks and it doesn't have anything to do with these labels.

5/19/2021 03:17:19 pm

I have a boss, a husband and a child on the spectrum. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to navigate through a world that is neurologically different than how you are hardwired. I can also empathize with the emotional injury that other employees have expressed.

It's important to appreciate that all humans are more neurologically diverse than we realize. And it's compassionate to match your expectations and approach to your fellow colleagues abilities, and vice versa.
Our own emotional growth, chosen outlets for validation and self-worth have to be better thought through than to lay it at the feet of someone who can't help their ways. We wouldn't get upset with a wheelchair-bound person for not walking, nor would we say, just stay off the sidewalk. I have to remind myself of this truth each time I feel demoralized at work, not easy but I am growing.

7/1/2021 03:01:24 pm

I really enjoy my boss with Autism (taking a guess as that is not shared). He's an attorney and I'm his legal assistant. He had some rough relationships in the past but I'm also not a neurotypical, although mine is not autism. I really appreciate his straight forward no BS manner. He needs some help with things like he has to have certain supplies and can't have certain mediums/or certain noises/sensations he can't interact with. Folks can be a bit judgmental of him that don't know him as well or expect him to be a certain way but I try to always vouch for his great characteristics when people bring up how hard he must be to work for. He's really not and I enjoy it even more so than other folks I work for. I'm glad we are a good team! I was searching for articles to help give some insight into what he might need or not want. He had a big loss recently.

Thomas

4/15/2022 01:04:32 am

He also like treats.

Agnes

8/21/2021 02:46:03 pm

I started working for a new manager in the past 3 days. I do have some educational knowledge with autism, but never experienced them as a superior. I believe, my manager is on the spectrum. He seems nice, but I have noticed the passive-aggressive personality, lacks empathy & fakes to be a positive upbeat enthusiastic manager. He doesn’t appreciate creativity & expects “his way” is the only correct method. He doesn’t communicate clear instructions. It’s very bullet points without any clarification of what he wants the outcome to be. Of course, you don’t discover his expectations until you are actively conducting the project through criticism of you are doing is wrong & he is way is the only right way. It’s all black & white, no grey. I’ve been in executive management for over 25 years, and he should not have been considered in management because what I mentioned above. His “my way or the high way” is definitely demoralizing, create a hostile work environment and not team-oriented.
Unfortunately, he is my manager and I need some insights of how to be able to communicate / cope with a manager that has the power to make or break your employment career.

thomas

4/15/2022 01:16:56 am

Aspie or not. That kind of behavior should not be tolerated. Given the time period you wrote this. I am sure you are no longer working for him. If you found another job, now would be a good time to send his H.R. dept. a letter of your observations without slander, so they could have documentation on him.

Mat

8/29/2021 03:17:09 am

A lot of these comments are negatively reinforcing damaging ASD stereotypes in management.

It’s almost as if people are guessing that their manager lives with Aspergers and attributing their manager’s perceived negativity as them being on the spectrum.

People need to learn to take ownership of their own problems and not look for unfounded reasons as to why they are having workplace issues.

The main, top comment here was riddled with spelling errors, had poor grammar, and sounded like a person who lives with a constant victim mentality.

Deb

9/27/2021 10:37:21 pm

Hello,
Just like people shouldn't blame difficult work situations on their boss being on the spectrum, people shouldn't be critical of someone who is having a difficult time with a person in a authority position who's on the spectrum. My daughter has a job that she absolutely loves, but finds herself mentally beaten down at the end of her shifts by her employer that not only talks down to her in front of customers but insults her abilities and yells at her every time she makes a mistake. She has tried to ask him why he talks to her that way and asked if he realizes he scolds her in front of customers and asked him to "please don't talk to me like that." Regardless if the comment above is riddled with errors it doesn't mean its not how she feels about her situation and just like I said previously she shouldn't be judged or called a victim until you have walked in her shoes.

Rohit

12/7/2021 08:58:30 am

Working for someone on the spectrum is definitely a mixed bag. They can be very stuck in their ways and once they make a determination based on something, it is often impossible to get them to change course, or even let things from the past go. This can be very frustrating, especially when you know for a fact that they are making a bad judgement call.

However, in my case the AS boss, can also be extremely generous and thoughtful. It almost catches you off guard, sometimes how nice they can be. Just with anyone else, their mood can be good or bad, and you need to be mindful of their needs and accommodate it.

Honestly, in my case I am very thankful for my AS boss. She has given me a chance when no one else would. She has also given me the freedom to excel in my role. We've both profited greatly from it.

When the AS boss starts to drive you crazy, I find that it is very important to take a step back, look at the entire situation and remind myself, that I am lucky to be here.

I realize that this might not be possible for everyone with an AS boss. However, at this time, labor has the upper hand and you can apply for other jobs, if it's really that bad. In my case my AS boss, has compensated me so well it's really difficult to leave.

Keep your head up out there and try to stay positive. I know it's hard.

Allen

12/26/2021 10:57:05 am

I have just been made redundant after14 years working closely for/with an asbie. I strongly understand all of the critical points listed. Also had a difficulty that it wasn’t common knowledge so I often felt like it was me who had the problem. I never found him “evil” but certainly had all the social interaction traits. I’m all for inclusion and diversity at work but sad to say an asbie as a boss wasn’t a positive experience.

Andrew Fairfax

3/4/2022 03:18:10 am

Dear All,

First and foremost I understand the situation people are facing with an ASD boss. I am currently in the same boat as you and I want to highlight a few things that might help you understand what the next step should be moving forward.

Having an ASD boss is challenging, in fact, there are very few upsides to the experience (regardless of what feedback others have given). Their inability to see nuance and break things down into black and white is not an asset, especially in the modern world.

As companies continue to evolve on a global level the world simply has no time for black and white and life doesn't work that way. People who are neurologically atypical are at a disadvantage already. Can they therefore lead? The answer is categorically, NO.

Leadership isn't a nebulous concept (as many people make it out to be ) it is about helping your team be the very best they can be and that requires that you recognise nuance and variation. It is about recognising the human condition is multifaceted and complex.

Being ASD simply doesn't allow that individual to recognise or even acknowledge this is something that is important. If you cannot connect with people in a human way, you will not get the best out of them and in turn you are not leading.

Some people have spoken about their boss being rude, stubborn or even blunt. These traits usually dont sit well with HR, so if you are experiencing these problems its important to log the situations down and report them to HR. Study the policies at your work place and ensure you document incidents that fall foul of the expected behaviours in the workplace.

Remember, the law does not give ASD employees a pass. You should expect to be treated with respect and dignity at work, the system exists to protect you.

In some rare cases HR might not side with you. There are two options:

1) Keep going with the logging of complaints and ensure that you have recorded things objectively.

2) Move to another role. Develop your network, look for other opportunities and leave a toxic workplace behind. They lose a valued employee and you get to go somewhere you are appreciated.

Remember, their disability does not entitle them to bully you or impact your mental health. Respect and dignity at work are expected and not a nice to have.

Good luck to those who are suffering, my thoughts are with you. To all the ASD bosses reading this, have you ever considered the impact that you are having on your employees? I doubt that very much.

3/9/2022 07:45:10 pm

I suspect my boss has Aspergers, he has all the signs and symptoms. Even if I’m not sure that he is, I know he is a literal thinker and struggles with empathy, among other things. However, having this suspicion allows me to be more empathetic and I’ve tried to speak to him in a way this is more literal and be patient with him when he’s not quite understanding what the problem is. I noticed in the first several months that people were not kind to him. And that bothered me. I mean, dude can be rude and really difficult to work with, but that does not warrant the unkind attitude people send his way.

I’m working on trying to make the best of the situation and trying to find ways to improve our communication. I hope it work out. I’ve been with my company a few years now (he’s been my boss about a year) and I enjoy it and am not ready to give up and leave!

4/15/2022 01:29:09 am

Give him space. Talk to him only when needed. Use a decision tree or charts to help him understand. It is all about trust. Trust is the key.

Rachel

5/10/2022 05:58:24 am

I’m not sure if my former boss is on the spectrum or not. I’m here to learn more about ASD signs/common behaviors, out of curiosity and empathy for him.
He’s quite brilliant, and is an engaging author, educator and presenter. But in working with him one-on-one, I had much difficulty. He is surgically-precise with language, and becomes easily flustered if he doesn’t understand someone else’s message. He needs to clarify things often. Defining terms is a big deal to him. He says he’s committed to something (concept or idea) and then will almost always change his mind later on. He tries to gather feedback from others but then will steamroll them and assert his own thoughts as the “final conclusion.” I’ve wondered if he isn’t an intellectual narcissist? He is definitely not used to having other strong personalities around him- especially from women. I have a strong personality but am also extremely kind, warm, empathetic…I put a lot of energy into being a good listener, and I’ve always been able to develop amazing work relationships, across all levels. In general, I’d say my people skills are a strength.
I found out recently that he is telling other industry leaders in my city that I am “difficult to manage.” I feel this is a huge misjudgment and mischaracterization. But, I’m also trying to think what I could have done to have given that impression. Are ASD folks especially sensitive to things like tone of voice or facial expressions? Many of our discussions were focused and serious (I was hired to launch a new division of his company, so we often discussed strategy and approach) and I’m wondering if I put out a vibe that could have been perceived as challenging, or perhaps even controlling? (Of course neither of these things were my intention- I was passionate about the work we were doing and tried to be as collaborative, communicative and sharing in the creative experience as possible…) Our working relationship ended when he decided to pull the plug on the new division I had just launched (within five months.) No warning, no conversations where he voiced his concerns, or other attempts at collaboration, just out of the blue. The shock is something I’m still processing.

Anyway, I appreciate any insights here. Thanks in advance.

Working for a Boss on the Autism Spectrum

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Patricia Robinson MFT

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